Shannon said...
What plans?
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satans response
shannon i think i answered this one already but i have some plans to make you my sweetie
of course i would still have a few other sweeties because i am satan and stuff but you would be like my main sweetie
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ing said...
Okay, Satan, this has been bothering me for days, and I can't sleep until I solve it:
A train departs London, England at exactly 0200 hours GMT and runs SSE,going 90 KM/H. At exactly 0200 a train departs Chengdu, China, going 130li/h. Each train, by coincidence, contains 503 passengers. Half of the passengers on the London train are sailors in the Royal British Navy, while one quarter of the passengers on the Chinese train are wearing sailor hats, despite that they are civilians.
One of the trains hits a cow.
Which train was it?
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satans response
it was the train that i get behind thee and i are going to pull on your ass mama
just kidding
it was the train that left london
the train that left chengdu china would have hit a MU NIU
assuming you were in a region with the mandarin dialect
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IHateSausage said...
My question is...are you going to punish me for taking all your pills? (Please?)
You know the ones...you left them here when we where playingfist-in-the-dark?
I'll be waiting when Shannon leaves you with a firey case of blue-balls.
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satans response
i knew you were going to take those pills ihatesausage
thats why i switched em with jungle janes cat laxatives
i am the lord of evil
i wasnt born yesterday
thank you for thinking about my balls
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jungle jane said...hey gang! has anyone seen my cat's laxatives? little pills? i thought i mebbe left them over here at Satan's place?
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i get behind thees response
Jungle Jane--I wondered why no one was touching the coffee in the breakroom this morning. Satan usually has a cup at 8 and takes a dump at 8:30 every morning, but he was in the head for 2 hours today. I also wondered why he was clawing the corner of one of the couches this morning. Also explains why the girl we offered what we thought was x to, pooped in the Hell Hummer the other nite.
satans response
now lets see i thought ihatesausage took em when we were playing fist in the dark dammit i switched the x with those other pills and then put the first pills on the...
shit i screwed up and put those cat laxatives in my arse
is that why i spent all day on the crapper and then kept trying to cover it up with sand
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IHateSausage said...Fuck you Jane! It's a good thing I can use the laptop on the jon so I can tell you how wicked you are! Kudos, wish I'd thought of it.
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satans response
damn it i get behind thee this isnt even a question did you read this shit or what
but it is sort of interesting to know ihate sausage blogs on the shitter
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Lady Hearteater said...DUDE. I'm with you. JC won't even put out the food and wine and shit, let alone his stash. I KNOW that fucker is holding. What sort of host is he? I would still welcome him, as all are welcome.
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satans response
hes a crummy host
i get behind thee remember that one time hundreds of people got together with him to listen to a speech and he had pounded down all the wine except one jug and ate all the fish except two and almost all the bread
then they came to him to perform a miracle and all he did was stick a fingerdown his throat and vomit and said look theres enough for everyone
that jackass sat there and laughed while everyone ate his vomit and then took credit for it like it was some sort of a miracle
you gotta watch out for that guy
he is full of shit half the time an stoned the other half
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ing said...Really? In my case, Jeezy has been pretty generous with his stash (AND his apostle). He gave me these little pills. . .
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satans response
yes really
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Shannon said..."Erin you are right why am i wasting time with these trollops when i could be knocking boots with you
looked at your erin obrien naked link
you are evil
if you showed me more i would be in heaven"
I am appalled!! Now you know why I didn't show up last night for our date! I would tell you to go to hell but that's like telling Mickey Mouse to go to Disneyland!! My question is why do you speak about ladies this way? I thought you turned over a new leaf.. it's a sad day.. I cannot forgive such evilness..
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satans response
cmon baby i am satan
i have an image to uphold
this is just business and i gotta keep my pimp hand strong
it dont mean nothing
lets you and me get together later and talk about this
if i cant be evil then i am not going to remain lord of the underworld for very long now am i and then i wont have all those nice things you want like hummer limos and krystal
remember all the good times we had baby we need to get away from all this shit and just work on our relationship
i lust you
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jungle jane said...Shannon are you saying that Mickey Mouse is in fact Satan? Wow! and here was me thinking Satan was actually Santa!
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satans response
it looks like this is really a question for shannon instead of for satan
jungle jane did you miss the damn point here t
his is ask questions to satan not shannon do i need to show you the pimp hand
you will find the taste of the back of my hand most displeasing
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RoxiMoon said...sounds interesting.. can you awnser me a question then.. why the fuck are we still wearing underwear.. I mean really.. I dont think underwear has a real purpose but to slow things down.... wait.. there is a purpose for men to wear them.. skid marks.. but us ladies barely wear anything anyway.. I think all women.. (( hot ones only)) should be able to go around naked..
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i get behind thees response
RoxiMoron--Underwear is Jesus' fault; he created it and his Dad madeAdam and Eve blush when he probed Adam in the Garden of Eden. As anaside, we were rolling with him and his crew in SoBeach two years ago,and when the wind whipped his robe up, I saw his drawers. Pretty filthytighty whities with a nasty chockie running down the back. Underwearserve no purpose, other than to keep the ladies from getting a smooth view of the behind of I Get Behind Thee and helping to protect Master Nibblet from the ravages of rough jeans and other fabrics. But not like100% cotton boxers are that soft either. The better question is why dosocial norms require me to wash my hands after touching my schlong? I mean, I clean it in the shower (really, that's just cleaning I swear), then put him in my clean boxers where he rests all day, waiting tospring on the ladies after dark. He's way cleaner than my hands,touching filthy stuff all day. Ladies, from now on, when we meet, I will introduce myself and ask you to shake my hog.
satans response
roximoon women need to wear underwear also otherwise we will be able to track you by your slime trail sort of like a banana slug
in addition to the skid mark issue men wear underwear to keep their balls from flopping too much
there is a delicate balance of nature you do not want your balls to be too tight but you cant have them just flopping around either
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LBseahag said...Is he speaking portuguese?
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satans response
i get portuguese spanish italian confused but i think it is mandarin chinese
by the way mu niu is mandarin chinese for cow
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Bill the Apostle said...Satan...why didnt you tell me you had herpes?
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ummm shannon theres something i need to tell you
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captain carl said...
Arr...T' be about time Satan got a friend. Now they can play naughty witheach other. Here be the Capt's question
What do ye want to burn Men's Souls for?...Why not give everybody ice cream.
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satans answer
captain carl joined the legions of hell this week
he now knows first hand the wonders of hell
burning mens souls is what i do
i am satan
i started burning souls shortly after becoming a fallen angel
and i was good at it
i now have your soul captain carl
and you shall get no ice cream
in hell ice cream lasts for less than the time apostle bill can stay on his bull
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Lady Hearteater said...Why am I suddenly VERY thirsty when I come here?
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satans response
you are thirsty for truth lady hearteater
you have been drinking from the fountain of jesus christ and bill the apostle for far too long and it has left you thirsty
you have been fed the lies from those like pat robertson for far too long and it has left you wanting
either that or it is just hotter than shit down here
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DorianGray1854 said...How come man is so devoted to material possesions, and if you can answerthat, then why do some chics taste like green apple Jolly Ranchers and how come that damn owl feels the need to fuck with everyone and just bite into the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop? Oh yeah and why don't you get a free one anymore if you find the indianshooting the star?***********************
satans answer
greed is mine
jesus christ says share your shit but you people dont listen i love that about you
some chics taste like green apple jolly ranchers to symbolize the fall of man in the garden of eden
when that sneaky eve talked adam into tasting the apple the taste of that apple stayed with her to symbolize her evil act
oh that and they got periods
some girls taste like green apple jolly ranchers due to the new green apple jolly rancher summers eve line of products now available at your local target store
owls do not have adequate tongues for licking
trust me
the last time i got a blowjob from an owl it was awful
three licks and the fucker bit me
douche they never actually gave out free tootsie pops that was an urban myth created to make dumb fucks like you look like dumb fucks
whammy
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Polyman2 said...umm, Satan?
Is it true that if you must choosebetween 2 evils,then pick the one you'venever tried before?
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satans answer
pick both
why choose between them
i never said you had to choose
i say take two
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ing said...Woah, Satan/Santa said he was going to be distributing advice, and now Janeis distributing advice, which -- and I'm no good at algebra -- means thatJane is Satan and Santa.
Right?
And Omar, I wish you hadn't swiped those pills Jesus gave me. Before yougobbled them up, I was going to return them. And now I suppose you'll notonly have to answer to Jane for the theft, but to SATAN, LORD OF BRIMSTONEAND ETERNAL TORTURE, MWA HA HA HA ha ha harrrr. . .
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satans answer
right
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ing said...Also, was Charles Manson really Jesus, or did he just say that so everyonewould love him?
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satans answer
charles manson said that he was jesus because he thought it would get him chicks
he got squeeky fromme
have you seen her
thats the kind of chicks that jesus christ pulls
he talks shit and pulls in skank nothing but skank
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ing said...And why is the sky blue?
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satans answer
what you see is the underside of gods balls
god is in heaven
god gets no lovin or at least not the right kind of lovin
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ing said...Because of you?
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satans answer
hell no
he has blue balls because of his personality
you ever talk to god
total stick up his ass
jesus christ talks the talk but he dont walk the walk
god is always all serious and shit and the chicks just dont have any interest
plus he is old
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ing said...Have you ever eaten fondúe?
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satans answer
in hell everytime i have a hershey bar it is fondue
same with cheese
we almost always eat fondue
we sometimes fondue the body of christ
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ing said...Do you shop at J. Crew?
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satans answer
sometimes
satan is somewhat of a metrosexual
if i had hair i would joodge it
ing do you have a fucking life
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ing said...Me too.
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satans answer
huh
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Jasmine said...I will swim miles to see you.
Want to play?
::wink::
Jaz
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satans answer
ok jaz you creep me out just a little bit
i do not want to play
i want to burn your ass over fiery coals
how do you like that game you fishy little wench
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Polyman2 said...Yo Satan,
How do feel about oysters,
are they evil?
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satans answer
hells yeah oysters are evil
they make you want to hump
anything that adds to your temptation is good stuff
plus they remind me of chicks especially the atlantic bearded clam
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RoxiMoon said...take it the fuck off baby!OHH yeah..oh.. and by the way..jane honey.. I found your cats pills but now I cant find my dogs sopositories.. you know.. satan thought those felt real good..have you seen them jane?
btw.. satan.. I love your scaly strachy skin.. almost works better then myrazor at getting the hair off.. and it dosnt grow back right away! who said I need eyebrows.
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satans answer
jane has been inserting them into her arse
i am still trying to figure out what an arse is
you do not need eyebrows they just burn off anyway
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drunkbh said...If you can't beat off with hooves, why don't you change one to a hand atleast until the deed is done?
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i get behind thees response
Drunkbh-I in fact CAN smack it around with my hooves, you just have tobe careful and use lots of lotion. The good news is Satan and I rarelyhave to resort to Solitaire given our prowess with mortal babes. Butyes, once last year, S, I and all the minions come home flat out of ass.Bars in Milwaukee are like 80/20 guys/girls and we came up empty. Theworst part was Satan walked into the john on me while I was goin totown. He took pics and gave me shit for like two weeks. As if hewasn't choking his chicken in his room! The nerve. It also helps touse a lanolin-based penis cream a few times a day to help keep El GrandeWorme from getting too beat up.
satans response
i am satan
i can change to a snake but then i have no hands at all
it does feel good to rub across the ground for a while though
besides sometimes i get behind thee gives me a helping hand
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Shannon said...Umm my last questions would be...
Why do birds sing so gay?
Do lawyers really go to hell?
Why do men totally suck azz?
Please answer these questions in the order they were received,*Psst answermine first* Thanks!
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satans answer
jesus made them gay i made them shit on your car
i can absolutely assure you that lawyers go to hell that is an absolute certainty
i have never been so sure of anything ever
every lawyer is mine
i cant tell you why all men totally suck azz but this dude right here would totally suck your azz
oh baby you know what you do to me when you start talking about azz
i lose it
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Nowhere Girl said...Satan- I haven't gotten a dose of your evil in a few days. Boo hoo. Poor me... =(Guess I haven't been naughty enough?!
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satans answer
dont sell yourself short nowhere girl you have stored up plenty of naughty points
you are mine
you will be mine for eternity
i have others out there that are pure and innocent
it is sort of my job to corrupt them
spending time trying to corrupt you is sort of like spending time trying to make hell hot
been there done that
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shit this was a lot of work
satan has bitches that need his attention
i get behind thee next time we need to pick like one question to answer
also we should select one question that will assist these pathetic pukes with their daily lives
satan lusts you
welcome to the tree of knowledge
