Tuesday, January 31, 2006

The Tree of Knowledge - WWSD Wednesday

welcome to the tree of knowledge

have a bite

it is time for what would satan do wednesday

lets start off with calzone

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calzone asked

Why the fuck do I sit here covered in blood night after fucking night with a disemboweled dead virgin in my lap calling your name and you never fucking show?

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great question calzone

as you know i am very busy corrupting souls and playing in fiddle competitions
it isnt always easy for me to drop what i am doing to run to a summoning using a disemboweled dead virgin

but if my presence is required or if there are really good drugs and hot tail available then i suggest adding a pentagram drawn in blood and a little incense

my latin is rusty so stick to george w bushs native language please


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ihatesausage asked

who gets Hasselhoff?

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the guy cant sing much less play the fiddle

i smoked his ass and he is mine

after all he is huge in germany and you know how many german bastards that are mine

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melanhead asked

Do I have to masturbate every day to secure a spot? What about the days when I'm on the rag? I don't like getting pulpy blood on my fingers.

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wear mittens

sometimes a solid fisting in your own ass will serve as an adequate substitute but certainly do not miss a day


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jesus christ asked

Dude, are you ever going to hit us up on the email?

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no

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psychic dumb dumb asked

Does swallowing as opposed to spitting heighten my chances into hell?

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great question psychic dumb dumg

swallowing as opposed to spitting does not necessarily heighten your chances of getting into hell

however swallowing as opposed to spitting insures my chances of being in heaven

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nowhere girl asked

I had the most disturbing dream last night regarding oral sex and a family member. Ugghhh. I hate that. I'm going to hell, aren't I?!

My brother, though he kept morphing into someone else. I don't know who, though I think it's this guy who works at Walgreens. Anyhoo, I was performing it. My husband kept walking by, putting away groceries

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thought about it again and yep that is even fucked up for me

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captain carl action figure asked

ARRR....how do I be keepin my plastic dick from meltin down here?......

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soak it in cider

get it

in cider

say it fast

hee hee hee

***********************************************************

i couldn't get to all of them and damn you for thinking that i would

20 Comments:

At 11:59 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I so lust you Satan. Bravo.

 
At 6:11 AM, Blogger Satan said...

i lust you too ihatesausage

a while ago i added your link to my site

you are my next conquest

and i think you know why

 
At 6:55 AM, Blogger PDD said...

Hmm... interesting that I have the power to send you to heaven...

 
At 7:15 AM, Blogger Satan said...

psychic dumb dumb your oral skills are well documented in the underworld

spitters are quitters

 
At 7:17 AM, Blogger PDD said...

split me in two.

 
At 11:09 AM, Blogger Silver said...

Stop fiddlin with your fiddle and maybe you'd have the time to answer all the questions. If you don't start satisfying you legions they will start desserting and head back to JC.

Get that lazy minion of your's to do something besides masterbating to sheep pics.

 
At 12:21 PM, Blogger PDD said...

Get behind me Satan.

 
At 1:02 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh I think I know why...Shannon left something to be desired? Found out she has a penis? Had an odor that could damn a soul at 20 paces?

Now I have to decide if being with you for eternity is worth listening to Hasselhoff.

 
At 4:27 PM, Blogger Satan said...

bill you know i like you

you are a bad person

that is what i like about you

leave jesus christ and come join us

you know you want to

 
At 5:33 PM, Blogger blank profile said...

I just wanted to tell you that you really hurt my feelings the way you shit on me in that post.

Guess we're even.

Also, we're shutting our blog down in one week. Hope the extra weight on your side of the teeter totter doesn't topple things for you.

It's been fun.

Love,
JC

 
At 7:34 PM, Blogger blank profile said...

Well I'm no longer JC so I guess I forgive you.

 
At 8:07 PM, Blogger Satan said...

jesus christ i emailed you

satans brother carl you are a douchebag

if you dont get off my blog i am going to tell mom

bill the apostle and tad wilson if you guys leave wont i be obsolete

who needs satan if there is not jesus christ and the apostles

this is much worse than being banished from heaven by jesus christs dad

i like puppies they taste good with marshmallows

cowbell gene your new platform is sort of lame

have you been spending too much time on those blogs with kittens and butterflies where they leave little poems

that kind of shit can screw you up

 
At 8:29 PM, Blogger LBseahag said...

I like how you include little rows of stars between questions...

you are a cutesy satan...

 
At 9:07 PM, Blogger Satan said...

i just confirmed that jesus christ is gone

it looks like you are all mine

this sure beats having to challenge you all to fiddle playing contests

 
At 9:09 PM, Blogger Satan said...

carl god damn it

just because you can stay up until 10 doesnt mean you can hang out here

now go to your own site or i am telling mom right now

i will lock your pussy ass back in the toolshed if you dont leave me alone

 
At 5:56 AM, Blogger PDD said...

Satan,

If you have a flute for me to play with I will sure show you some music. I want to play the flute while someone licks my boots.

 
At 11:59 AM, Blogger Jay said...

Seeing how you're Lord of the Underworld and all, can't you just transfigure yourself into Brad Pitt and pleasure women at will?

Also, do you have the power to watch me when I'm masturbating? If so, why would you ever want to?

 
At 5:44 AM, Blogger PDD said...

Marc Murph,

Unless you have a wound to heal in your mouth. Otherwise, yes. Yes it is.

 
At 8:39 AM, Blogger PDD said...

Satan, I meant it when I said get behind me.

 
At 1:56 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

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