Tuesday, January 31, 2006

The Tree of Knowledge - WWSD Wednesday

welcome to the tree of knowledge

have a bite

it is time for what would satan do wednesday

lets start off with calzone

**************************************************
calzone asked

Why the fuck do I sit here covered in blood night after fucking night with a disemboweled dead virgin in my lap calling your name and you never fucking show?

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great question calzone

as you know i am very busy corrupting souls and playing in fiddle competitions
it isnt always easy for me to drop what i am doing to run to a summoning using a disemboweled dead virgin

but if my presence is required or if there are really good drugs and hot tail available then i suggest adding a pentagram drawn in blood and a little incense

my latin is rusty so stick to george w bushs native language please


********************************************************

ihatesausage asked

who gets Hasselhoff?

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the guy cant sing much less play the fiddle

i smoked his ass and he is mine

after all he is huge in germany and you know how many german bastards that are mine

********************************************************

melanhead asked

Do I have to masturbate every day to secure a spot? What about the days when I'm on the rag? I don't like getting pulpy blood on my fingers.

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wear mittens

sometimes a solid fisting in your own ass will serve as an adequate substitute but certainly do not miss a day


***********************************************************
jesus christ asked

Dude, are you ever going to hit us up on the email?

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no

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psychic dumb dumb asked

Does swallowing as opposed to spitting heighten my chances into hell?

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great question psychic dumb dumg

swallowing as opposed to spitting does not necessarily heighten your chances of getting into hell

however swallowing as opposed to spitting insures my chances of being in heaven

**********************************************************
nowhere girl asked

I had the most disturbing dream last night regarding oral sex and a family member. Ugghhh. I hate that. I'm going to hell, aren't I?!

My brother, though he kept morphing into someone else. I don't know who, though I think it's this guy who works at Walgreens. Anyhoo, I was performing it. My husband kept walking by, putting away groceries

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thought about it again and yep that is even fucked up for me

*********************************************************

captain carl action figure asked

ARRR....how do I be keepin my plastic dick from meltin down here?......

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soak it in cider

get it

in cider

say it fast

hee hee hee

***********************************************************

i couldn't get to all of them and damn you for thinking that i would

46 Comments:

At 11:59 PM, Blogger YellowSock said...

I so lust you Satan. Bravo.

 
At 6:11 AM, Blogger Satan said...

i lust you too ihatesausage

a while ago i added your link to my site

you are my next conquest

and i think you know why

 
At 6:55 AM, Blogger PDD said...

Hmm... interesting that I have the power to send you to heaven...

 
At 7:15 AM, Blogger Satan said...

psychic dumb dumb your oral skills are well documented in the underworld

spitters are quitters

 
At 7:17 AM, Blogger PDD said...

split me in two.

 
At 11:09 AM, Blogger waygon112 said...

Stop fiddlin with your fiddle and maybe you'd have the time to answer all the questions. If you don't start satisfying you legions they will start desserting and head back to JC.

Get that lazy minion of your's to do something besides masterbating to sheep pics.

 
At 11:18 AM, Blogger sugarpunk said...

mmm wow satan.. you uhhh have a line.. i have to take a number..

and IGBT .. well he will do me..on his time..

 
At 12:21 PM, Blogger PDD said...

Get behind me Satan.

 
At 1:02 PM, Blogger YellowSock said...

Oh I think I know why...Shannon left something to be desired? Found out she has a penis? Had an odor that could damn a soul at 20 paces?

Now I have to decide if being with you for eternity is worth listening to Hasselhoff.

 
At 1:47 PM, Blogger Hale Bopp said...

we should have a town hall debate format. give us a chance to "connect" with the fine fine people of hell.

plus i can show off my new shiny pitchfork..

 
At 1:51 PM, Blogger Hale Bopp said...

i'm waiting for you to debate me satan, i know you're acting like you're el presidente' of hell shit, but i know you don't wanna debate me!

change! you're afraid of change....its the firepits stupid!...that's what i say.

play that song, "don't stop thinking about eternity in hell.." that'll be my campaign song.

yep, with me it'll be youthful vigor! a satan who appears in a white shirt with his sleeves rolled up..ready to jump into work! ready to deal with the problems facing hell and damnation!

i still believe in a place called hell...

 
At 2:17 PM, Blogger I Get Behind Thee said...

Waygon-I'll get to your questions right after I go untie Dolly from the post outside and get her blue nightgown in the wash.

Sugarpunk-I've dropped some spare change in the floor. Could you pick it up for Daddy? Nice and slowwww....

Gene-your youthful vigor and general goofiness are no match for Satan's steady and firm pimp hand. Stay the course.

 
At 2:34 PM, Blogger I Get Behind Thee said...

S, do you remember the time we were at Senor Frogs and you were wearing those tiny running shorts that barely covered your balls, and you asked me to drop em right after you went over and started talked to that group of hot girls? Man, those bitches ran for the hills. And you just stood there with your junk flappin in the breeze and were all like "IGBT, that is so immature. How could you do that in front of these nice ladies?" You didn't even try to pull them back up for like 10-15 seconds. That was some nite.

 
At 2:53 PM, Blogger DEATH said...

AHHH..Shit. I forgot to ask a question. Oh well there isnt that much shit I dont already know anyways. I just find the answers amusing.
Cowbell Gene is only gonna make his situation worse in hell if he keeps drawing attention to himself.
I've seen guys try to take over, and it has resulted in a firey damnation words cannot describe.
Satan are you just toying with Gene. When are you gonna put the smack down. By the way I have to swing by heaven this afternoon, do you want me to pick you up a cold one. HA ha thats a little Death humor, you wish.

 
At 3:28 PM, Blogger Hale Bopp said...

see?.....see??

brimming with overconfidence!

dude satan, you were like that with your job with god back in the day. overconfident...makin' the scene...mr. hot shot....my shit don't be stinkin' yo!

next thing you know, god calls you in his office and yer out on yer ass.

i seen this before yo!

satan, yo ass is mine!

HOOOOOOOOO!!!!

 
At 4:16 PM, Blogger kellywalters said...

now I am hurt that you didnt awnser my question.. you didnt even .. nothing..

sausage .. will you be my girlfriend?? we can lke.. hang out and drink wine and shit..

It would be cool



I fucking ment girl- friend..
not girlfriend.. shit...

I like the cock.. not chicks..

damn you guys have dirty minds

 
At 4:19 PM, Blogger Bill the Apostle said...

People have been saying I'm a bad person....you like me right satan?

 
At 4:27 PM, Blogger Satan said...

bill you know i like you

you are a bad person

that is what i like about you

leave jesus christ and come join us

you know you want to

 
At 5:33 PM, Blogger J to the fucking C said...

I just wanted to tell you that you really hurt my feelings the way you shit on me in that post.

Guess we're even.

Also, we're shutting our blog down in one week. Hope the extra weight on your side of the teeter totter doesn't topple things for you.

It's been fun.

Love,
JC

 
At 6:18 PM, Blogger sugarpunk said...

IGBT:.. only if i can have a lollipop after...

 
At 6:35 PM, Blogger Satan's brother Carl said...

satan, you're such a fucking showoff..

 
At 7:10 PM, Blogger Satan's brother Carl said...

Why did you keep locking me in the toolshed when we were growing up Satan????

It was all dark, scary, no place to go poopy.

God I hated you!

 
At 7:25 PM, Blogger Bill the Apostle said...

Well its all over Satan..me and Jesus..oh..I mean Tad..have decided to hang it up...We are bad people, and we are actually insane.

I know you are Satan but....God bless you.

 
At 7:34 PM, Blogger J to the fucking C said...

Well I'm no longer JC so I guess I forgive you.

 
At 7:44 PM, Blogger Hale Bopp said...

i'm still running for satan. but it'll be a HAPPY platform! with balloons, happy puppies and giant marshmellows!

i heart you satan!!!

::giggle::

 
At 8:07 PM, Blogger Satan said...

jesus christ i emailed you

satans brother carl you are a douchebag

if you dont get off my blog i am going to tell mom

bill the apostle and tad wilson if you guys leave wont i be obsolete

who needs satan if there is not jesus christ and the apostles

this is much worse than being banished from heaven by jesus christs dad

i like puppies they taste good with marshmallows

cowbell gene your new platform is sort of lame

have you been spending too much time on those blogs with kittens and butterflies where they leave little poems

that kind of shit can screw you up

 
At 8:18 PM, Blogger Satan's brother Carl said...

Mom says I can stay up past 10pm today!

Nyah!

 
At 8:19 PM, Blogger sugarpunk said...

oooo satan tell his mom .. really.. i want to watch him cry like a little girl then laugh when he pees his pants..

thanks satan.. and tell jc/tad to stay.. we have to have both so we can all teeter on the edge allday everyday... k?..

besides who is gonna lick my boots?.. its bill the A's place ..

 
At 8:29 PM, Blogger LBseahag said...

I like how you include little rows of stars between questions...

you are a cutesy satan...

 
At 8:54 PM, Blogger sugarpunk said...

damn jc deleted... he said he would be here a week...

whats going on in blogville?

 
At 9:07 PM, Blogger Satan said...

i just confirmed that jesus christ is gone

it looks like you are all mine

this sure beats having to challenge you all to fiddle playing contests

 
At 9:09 PM, Blogger Satan said...

carl god damn it

just because you can stay up until 10 doesnt mean you can hang out here

now go to your own site or i am telling mom right now

i will lock your pussy ass back in the toolshed if you dont leave me alone

 
At 9:53 PM, Blogger Bill the Apostle said...

Its true and shit...Jesus bailed and all that.

Fuck.

WOOOOOOOOO

fuck

shit

 
At 10:09 PM, Blogger Jasmine said...

Dear Satan,
Do you ever sit naked in the cool waters? What a relief it is!

-xoxo

Jasmine

 
At 5:37 AM, Blogger Vote St. Bernard Whiskey Jug Jerry for Jesus said...

I want Jesus' job now that he quit! Jerry for Jesus!

I'm fat, drunk and goofy!

Fuck, shit. Mother fucker. Fuckity-fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck!

YAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

 
At 5:47 AM, Blogger sugarpunk said...

so does this mean bill is gonna hang with satans crew.. if so.. he can lick my boots here...

satan just so ya know.. i have always been yours.. i just think im gonna redeem myself at some point and get to hang with JC.. but we all know those odds donw we?

 
At 5:56 AM, Blogger PDD said...

Satan,

If you have a flute for me to play with I will sure show you some music. I want to play the flute while someone licks my boots.

 
At 11:59 AM, Blogger blog Portland said...

Seeing how you're Lord of the Underworld and all, can't you just transfigure yourself into Brad Pitt and pleasure women at will?

Also, do you have the power to watch me when I'm masturbating? If so, why would you ever want to?

 
At 1:36 PM, Blogger Satan's brother Carl said...

touch me..

 
At 7:30 PM, Blogger Satan's brother Carl said...

My therapist told me that I need to "channell my rage" somewhere.

So I started a blog to expose your hurtful abuse.

I mentioned the incident with the midget. Pretty soon, I'll tell everybody about making me eat the next door neighbor!

 
At 8:51 PM, Blogger Bill the Apostle said...

Stupid Fucking dog....you never know when jesus will rise again.

Fuck

 
At 9:19 PM, Blogger sugarpunk said...

we can only hope bill.. i mean yeah i love all of ya.. but its sorta weird without JC too.. i mean it makes it complete..

 
At 9:46 PM, Blogger marc murph said...

i have a question....is it wrong to drink your own urine

 
At 5:44 AM, Blogger PDD said...

Marc Murph,

Unless you have a wound to heal in your mouth. Otherwise, yes. Yes it is.

 
At 8:39 AM, Blogger PDD said...

Satan, I meant it when I said get behind me.

 
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