i would like to introduce my number one henchman and head minion
i get behind thee
this dude has been my constant companion since being evicted from heaven
i would not want to be a fallen angel with anyone else
im tellin you that if i was maverick this would be my goose and on many occasions it has been
in this business there are not many people you can really trust but i get behind thee would bend over backwards for me
he would also bend over forward for me and probably get down on his knees for me
he is actually just a little bit creepy but he has been around so long that i would miss him if he ever stopped coming around
i get behind thee you complete me
today it became painfully obvious that you are all a bunch of pathetic fucks that can barely wipe your own asses without getting advice
so i get behind thee and i had a great idea for a weekly blog entry
we shall call it
consult the dark forces
between now and monday we will collect all of your questions and then i get behind thee and i will answer which ever ones we damn feel like answering
if your question is not worthy it will be ignored
if you have a good question we will take the time to carefully consider the question and then craft an answer that will assist you with your daily life
consider this our gift to you
you may start leaving your questions now
shannon baby i am almost done here i will be there in just a few minutes
i got me some plans for that sassy tart
posted by Satan @ 9:07 PM
33 comments
33 Comments:
um nice ones
yes very nice plans
like i am planning on taking you to a nice restaurant like tgifridays and then maybe to play a little mini golf before we knock boots
i bought a good exfoliant today at the jcpenney makeup counter
it should help with my complexion
but its really what is on the inside that counts right ladies
hmm perhaps i should have saved that question until monday given the theme of this post
shannon just takes me right out of my game
i disagree shannon
i think you could be evil if you really tried
remember that time we went down to the lake and built that giant alter out of rocks and we were going to sacrifice a goat but couldnt catch one so instead we used hersheys chocolate syrup and pretended that it was blood when we drank it
that was sort of evil and you were damn good at it
why is a fine lady like you sitting home on a friday night
where is i get behind thee
hes supposed to pick us up in the hummer
Okay, Satan, this has been bothering me for days, and I can't sleep until I solve it:
A train departs London, England at exactly 0200 hours GMT and runs SSE, going 90 KM/H. At exactly 0200 a train departs Chengdu, China, going 130 li/h. Each train, by coincidence, contains 503 passengers. Half of the passengers on the London train are sailors in the Royal British Navy, while one quarter of the passengers on the Chinese train are wearing sailor hats, despite that they are civilians.
One of the trains hits a cow.
Which train was it?
My question is...are you going to punish me for taking all your pills? (Please?) You know the ones...you left them here when we where playing fist-in-the-dark?
I'll be waiting when Shannon leaves you with a firey case of blue-balls.
hey gang!
has anyone seen my cat's laxatives? little pills? i thought i mebbe left them over here at Satan's place?
Fuck you Jane! It's a good thing I can use the laptop on the jon so I can tell you how wicked you are!
Kudos, wish I'd thought of it.
Really? In my case, Jeezy has been pretty generous with his stash (AND his apostle). He gave me these little pills. . .
I'm on my hands and knees right now, dark overlord.
this time i asked her to get on her hands and knees
usually she does it voluntarily
now she is doing it by my command
that is so fucking hot
i repeat here what i said to you on your site highmaintenancehussy that if you would show nipples i would be in heaven
now that you followed my command to get on your hands and knees
go post a picture of your marvelous boobies for the world to see and include nipples
and then leave satan alone for about 15 minutes or so
Shannon are you saying that Mickey Mouse is in fact Satan? Wow! and here was me thinking Satan was actually Santa!
Is he speaking portuguese?
How come man is so devoted to material possesions, and if you can answer that, then why do some chics taste like green apple Jolly Ranchers and how come that damn owl feels the need to fuck with everyone and just bite into the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop?
Oh yeah and why don't you get a free one anymore if you find the indian shooting the star?
umm, Satan?
Is it true that
if you must choose
between 2 evils,
then pick the one you've
never tried before?
picking between two evils is like picking your nose. always best to go for both nostrils if possible...
Woah, Satan/Santa said he was going to be distributing advice, and now Jane is distributing advice, which -- and I'm no good at algebra -- means that Jane is Satan and Santa.
Right?
And Omar, I wish you hadn't swiped those pills Jesus gave me. Before you gobbled them up, I was going to return them. And now I suppose you'll not only have to answer to Jane for the theft, but to SATAN, LORD OF BRIMSTONE AND ETERNAL TORTURE, MWA HA HA HA ha ha harrrr. . .
it appears that we already have these questions
shannon - what plans
i think i answered that one already but let me know if you think we need to expand on this topic further
ing - the train question
ihatesausage - pills
jane - where are the cat laxatives
lady hearteater - what sort of host is jesus christ
shannon again - why do you speak about ladies this way
this one sounds like it might be a little tougher to answer than her first one i think i am in trouble
jane - is mickey mouse satan
roximoon - why are we still wearing underwear
ibseahag - is he speaking portugese
bill the apostle - why didnt i tell him i had herpes
yikes
captain carl - what do you want to burn mens souls for and why not give everyone ice cream
lady hearteater again - why is she thirsty when she comes to this site
dorian gray - how come man is so devoted to material possesions
why do some chics taste like green apple jolly ranchers
how come that damn owl feels the need to fuck with everyone and just bite into the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop
why dont you get a free one anymore if you find the indian shooting the star
polyman2 - if you must choose
between 2 evils then pick the one youve never tried before
ing again - right
wow i sort of thought we would be giving out more advice on day to day dilemmas you face in your shitty pathetic lives but what the hell
i get behind thee and i will do our best on these
any more to add
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Also, was Charles Manson really Jesus, or did he just say that so everyone would love him?
And why is the sky blue?
Because of you?
Have you ever eaten fondúe?
Do you shop at J. Crew?
I want to be on your platter!
you have a very large 'secret' captain. titter...
Yo Satan,
How do feel about oysters,
are they evil?
If you can't beat off with hooves, why don't you change one to a hand at least until the deed is done?
Roxi yes i do believe I saw them earlier - Satan had run out of shaving cream so i took them out the dog's arse and told him it was shave foam. he'll never know...
Satan, You are tagged, luv, however loosely.
Shannon,
Men will generally suck ass.
All you have to do is ask, and provide a reach around.
Satan- I haven't gotten a dose of your evil in a few days.
Boo hoo. Poor me... =(
Guess I haven't been naughty enough?!
HOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
I have totally risen and shit... again!
Hey, you guys wanna go see gwar again?
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