Monday, January 30, 2006

consult the dark forces - what would satan do


it is that time of the week again

i get behind thee and i are here and are ready to field questions regarding your daily life

this week, we will select one or two questions

last week was too much damn work

ask us a question and we will provide an answer that should help you earn your way into hell

remember getting into hell is never a sure thing so it is important that you start living your life the right way to make certain that your place there is secured

if you don't plan ahead then you may have to lose a fiddle playing contest to get in and to be honest i am not that good if i dont have the band of demons joining in to make an evil hiss

17 Comments:

At 8:09 PM, Blogger Calzone said...

Why the fuck do I sit here covered in blood night after fucking night with a disemboweled dead virgin in my lap calling your name and you never fucking show?

 
At 8:12 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Same question as last week...who gets Hasselhoff? I need to know. This is serious Satan. I'll wear the nun outfit if you riddle me this.

 
At 9:06 PM, Blogger blank profile said...

Dude, do you remember that time when you bet us that you could hit the 5 footer and not get high and it was like the first or second time you'd ever smoked pot and Slim put his hands over you mouth and you held the whole hit in for like a minute... then passed out in the bathroom next to the toilet.

My question is, do you have any idea how many fine ass girls were right over your head everytime they had to use the bathroom? Were you really passed out or just checking out the hedges? I would've stayed there all night.

Dude, are you ever going to hit us up on the email?

I guess that was actually 3 questions.

Sorry, again.

 
At 9:30 PM, Blogger Nobody said...

You're going to hell if you don't email me back.

Tata, goodnight... ;)

 
At 9:49 PM, Blogger LBseahag said...

how come God got a cool movie with George Burns and John Denver and you didnt?

 
At 11:50 PM, Blogger ing said...

Questions

1. What up, beaotch?

2. Will you still love me tomorrow?

3. To whom did Thom Jones dedicate The
Pugilist At Rest
?

4. Should I continue this thing I have with Bill? It
feels so right, Satan! So wrong and so right!

 
At 4:57 AM, Blogger b o o said...

what would satan do to detached eyeballs that looked like swimming sperm?

 
At 7:57 AM, Blogger PDD said...

Does swallowing as opposed to spitting heighten my chances into hell?

 
At 11:51 AM, Blogger Nobody said...

I had the most disturbing dream last night regarding oral sex and a family member. Ugghhh. I hate that. I'm going to hell, aren't I?!

Though, we already knew that...

 
At 12:39 PM, Blogger PDD said...

Nowhere Girl, please elaborate.

 
At 1:53 PM, Blogger Satan said...

yes please elaborate while referring to me as uncle satan

 
At 2:00 PM, Blogger PDD said...

lol

 
At 4:34 PM, Blogger Nobody said...

he he... ELABORATE?! It was bad enough living through it once. *roll eyes*

My brother, though he kept morphing into someone else. I don't know who, though I think it's this guy who works at Walgreens. Anyhoo, I was performing it. My husband kept walking by, putting away groceries.

It was the most FUCKED up thing?!

 
At 7:23 PM, Blogger blank profile said...

Did someone say my name? ...like 3-4 times?

 
At 8:01 PM, Blogger Satan said...

nowhere girl

your brother

even i think that is fucked up

jesus christ no i didnt hear anyone say douchebag

hairy prison guard i understand how you feel

bill the apostle can sometimes be mean and his friends can sometimes be very judgmental

you really should consider hanging around with me

we could use someone in hell with your prison guard qualifications

trust me hairy prison guard

i know what is best for you

now come stay hang out with me for a while

can i interest you in a little friendly wager on a fiddle playing contest


perhaps an eternity

 
At 6:44 AM, Blogger PDD said...

I have tears I'm laughing so hard.

 
At 6:46 AM, Blogger PDD said...

Satan, you look as though you would have a big dick.

Even though I have already nailed a lord of the underworld, I wouldn't mind giving it another go.

Are you in?

 

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