Sunday, January 15, 2006


jesus christs


jesus christs

i think the choice is clear

jesus christ i challenge you to respond to this

you cannot compete with the quality of tail i am pulling in hell

ugly people dont sin because nobody wants to sin with them

you want a shot at angelina or do you want to hang around with those nuns


At 6:07 AM, Blogger Erin O'Brien said...

I am delighted to respond to this post at 9 a.m. on a beautiful Sunday morning as each of my catholic neighbors prepare themselves for church.

Although the first image did not upload for whatever reason, I trust you implicitly, Satan darling, and I know that I would have sexual desire for whomever you intended me to view.

That said, although I am married, I feel completely comfortable admitting that I ... erm ... feel a certain way when I view the a.j. image, which surely gets me a few extra points with a guy like you.


At 8:10 AM, Blogger blog Portland said...

I'm sure Jesus will get Mandy Moore. She's doable. Then again, you'll get every last porn star.

At 8:50 AM, Blogger Eve said...

Oh come on boys... who would rather sleep with slutty, ol' Angelina over the prospect of a FOURSOME with 3 rotund nuns?! ~chuckle~

At 12:07 PM, Blogger J to the fucking C said...

Dude, you've been out with me. You know what kind of ass I pull.

Here's the thing, everybody sins because they know that I totally have to forgive them and shit. I get mad pussy on those grounds alone.

You still got your band? We need an opening act on the 20th and shit. I already know you're not busy.

BTW- My dad's been looking all over for you. He says you owe him money for TGIF the other night. Did you try the bloomin' onion? That shit was funny.

At 12:39 PM, Blogger jungle jane said...

got any beer Satan? slaughtering cute kittens on earth is sweaty work you know...

At 1:19 PM, Blogger Bill the Apostle said...

Hey Satan,

Why don't you go to Burger King and order a Quarter pounder???


By the way dude, what are you paying? I mean I'm totally down with the apostle thing but I could do a minion if I had too.

At 1:37 PM, Blogger J to the fucking C said...


At 5:31 PM, Blogger wallycrawler said...

My Love Of Jesus Is Coming To An End . Dat Guy Can't Get Me A Hog [Harley] I've Bid On 10 And Noth'n ! Dude You Got Any Pull Over @ EBay .

Amen I Think ?

At 7:21 PM, Blogger Mr. Crap said...

OK....bunch of losers.

At 8:19 AM, Blogger Jesus Toast said...

This ghetto Christ vs. ghetto Satan is silly, you guys need to get past all the blatently obvious sexual tension and hook up. You'll both be a lot happier with who you are as omnipotent deities.

You know I'm right, because you know all, and you of all creatures must agree with this Satan, because it flies in the face of Jesus.

Have fun boys, and remember don't bother using protection.

At 9:21 AM, Blogger Satan said...

jesus toast i am all for banging jesus christ but it would be wrong to do it with consent

i would much prefer to subject him to the horrible humiliation of a gang rape served up by me and a bunch of my minions including bill the apostle

could you imagine the look on his face when bill whips it out

bill i pay well and the fringe benefits are the shit

come join my legions and i will let you go first on jesus christ

jesus toast i am not ghetto

i am the lord of the underworld and command you to fall to your knees and worship me

nowhere girl i have had the others and i woud love the foursome with the nuns

because it would be so wrong

but i am in recruiting mode

wally your harley is guaranteed if you agree to join the hells angels

jesus christ tell your dad to go fuck himself

it was his turn to buy and he didnt even get me the bloomin onion

hes lucky i didnt have more drinks

id say he got off pretty cheap

At 10:18 AM, Blogger none - ya said...

Satan, I want my soul back. I'm sick of walking around with a dazed look in my eye. I don't mind when people borrow things, but I shouldn't have to come after you and ask for it back. That's some fucked up shit.

At 10:26 AM, Blogger Satan said...


after you sell your car to someone do you follow them around asking for it back

i beat your ass fare and square in the fiddle playing contest

the only one that beat me was johnny

if you had won the fiddle playing contest do you think i would follow you around asking for the golden fiddle back

a deal is a deal

now lets go get tore up and head to tgifridays

besides i will show you a good time baby jesus cant give you the things that i can give you

and dont make me pull out my pimp hand

At 10:33 AM, Blogger J to the fucking C said...


You talk some major shit over here on your board dude!

Try outback next time for that onion and shit DUMBASS! You are the biggest dork like, 70% of the time.

Remember the time we told you we knew where there was a dead body and we took you out to the woods and shot you with bb guns?

Did you forget about how you cried like a bitch when Tony the Apostle kept slapping your welts and shit?

Daddamn that was funny!

BTW- I happen to know for a fact that you pay less than most fast food places and you no health plan whatsoever. Remember satanic Stan?
Well guess what, he was a fucking spy! Didn't you think it strange when he just disappeared one day?

So are you goin' out tonight and shit?

At 10:44 AM, Blogger honeyhive said...

Hey I heard about your nipple dick.
sorry dude, that really sucks.

At 10:59 AM, Blogger Satan said...

i am going out tonight

i thought i would get some tots at sonic before going out and then hit some clubs

one of my sources came up with some great shit last night

it will send you buzzin for a week

stan was a bitch i dont miss him

shut your damn mouth about that whole payscale thing

there may not be a lot of cash in being a minion but you can steal rape and torture

what sort of benefits does your dad give

this is such shit

you arent even the one to talk about this cuz your dad runs the bidness

you are off on your coke binges chasing tail while hes doing all the smiting and shit

you probably dont even know whats what there

did you ever come up with something you thought was a good idea and then regretted it later

rap music

thought killin cops was a great idea and now i just fucking hate it

that song about grills just makes me want to cap em

At 11:35 AM, Blogger J to the fucking C said...

It was cool back in the day though, satan. I hate to hear you be so hard on yourself.

You'll get back up again.

Tell ya what, drinks are on me tonight.

At 11:37 AM, Blogger J to the fucking C said...

Sorry about outing you on the pay and shit. How about I make up for it by giving you some dudes.

A soul's a soul, right?

At 12:45 PM, Blogger Erin O'Brien said...

Hi Satan,

Er ... I really hate to be this way, but JC said he'll be holding a ... well ... a party for me and my new *friend* tonight over at his place and we don't even need an initiation or audition or whatever (like, to get in).

So, uh, gee, looks like I might have sort of jumped the gun before on the whole date for eternity thing and that.

Hope you understand. And I am like SO sorry. (The potato skins were awesome, by the way)

At 12:48 PM, Blogger Satan said...

heh heh you said hard on

i agree to the deal regarding a dude

i want wallycrawler

i am about ready to tear honeyhive a new asshole using my nippledick

i already have that depraved soul or i would have asked for him

you do know that is a dude right

if you are buying drinks tonight i will buy the tots at sonic

we will go to tgifridays for the bloomin onion some other night

besides they have that ntn trivia game there i like

At 12:49 PM, Blogger Satan said...


fear not

i am not angry

hang with jesus christ while you are here

when you pass you will have the rest of eternity to spend with me

you are a sure thing

in so many ways

At 12:55 PM, Blogger none - ya said...

I may be a whiney little bitch, but you're the one with the small dick.

At 1:20 PM, Blogger Satan said...


i want to do you so bad i can taste it

when you put on that whiney little bitch attitude

jesus it gets me

At 1:53 PM, Blogger J to the fucking C said...

Did someone say Jesus and shit?

Hey Satan, that shit about the cheap screen door was pretty funny, b.

So funny that I've decided to start capitalizing the "S" in your name.
You like that don't you.

At 2:01 PM, Blogger YellowSock said...

Dark Lord? I'm in a real financial bind right now... can you help me?

I've been burning bibles to stay warm and killing hobos to mask my pain (and cause the voices told me to.) I'm hoping that will score a few points with you...

At 2:24 PM, Blogger Satan said...

sausage you keep right on keeping right on

i cant really help you with your financial problems but i can give you this

atta boy

jesus christ do your worst

if capitalizing s in my name is your worst then bring it on byatch

that was my way of turning the other cheek

im even better at that than you are

no wonder i have billions of souls and you have
your dad
the holy ghost as if that counts
eleven of the twelve disciples since that traitor judas is mine
a bunch of mormons
a handful of nutty jehovahs witnesses
a couple of nuns including mother theresa
mr rogers
and fred rerun berry

i should have had fred berry but that guy drove me fucking nuts with that crappy dance routine

At 2:44 PM, Blogger Tumbleweed said...

So, if I bend over for you, you think you could do better than JC and Bill put together? That's a pretty tall order!

At 2:48 PM, Blogger Satan said...


those two assclowns wouldnt know what to do with a woman if she sat on their face

look around you

do you think jesus christ and bill the apostle created all of this sin

i know how to treat the ladies

and that whole matter about having a nipple dick is false

im packin

there are just a few folks out there that seem to have a bone to pick with ole satan

does that surprise you

At 4:26 PM, Blogger honeyhive said...

nipple dick.

At 4:29 PM, Blogger Erin O'Brien said...

I am like so NOT a sure thing!

At 4:52 PM, Blogger YellowSock said...

Jesus, Satan, (just an expression) killing hobos and atta boys don't pay the rent.

Can you just take me now so at least I have a home?

Or maybe hook me up with my very own sausage grinder so I can make hobo-dogs and sell them at the flea market? You know Americans will eat anything wrapped in a did it for Ray Crock, and I give better head.

At 4:56 PM, Blogger jungle jane said...

okay which one of you not-funny bitches filled my wine bottle with holy water?

At 9:25 PM, Blogger jamwall said...

yo satan!

where's the ass? i hear you been pullin' some nice ass over here bro!

i brought some dead hookers.

hey! is that JC and bill over there?

yo!!!! JC and bill!!!

those fuckers know me and shit, i've partied them them dogs.

At 10:12 PM, Blogger Satan said...

erin remember i know where youve been what youve done and what you still want to do

you are sooo a sure thing

honeyhive if i have a nipple dick then you and i have something in common

jane it clearly wasnt me where the fuck would i get holy water

it had to be either jesus christ or is dildo toting lacky bill the apostle

my money is on bill the apostle

he is such a little bitch

sausage have you tried mugging people that is usually more effective that killing hobos

what are you getting from hobos

soiled undergarments and tins of cat food

jamewall yo look around the bitches are here and i am in a mood to share

tap something

take two at a time if you want

take erin shes a sure thing

but for gods sake we need more cowbell

At 1:37 AM, Blogger jungle jane said...

Why would god need a cowbell?

At 7:24 AM, Blogger PDD said...

I have only read Erin's comments. I have no time. At work, but Erin always manages to reel me right in.

I don't know if I'm repeating, however; Don't be fooled by JC'S innocence, or what he tries to pawn off as innocence. He get's good tang too, Satan. Take that slattern magdalen for an example. Can you say you've had a whirl with her. I didn't think so.

At 7:24 AM, Blogger PDD said...

Oh, and JJ's comments as well. I've read hers too.

At 4:52 PM, Blogger LBseahag said...

Nuns make me goosh with cream filling.


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