Thursday, January 26, 2006

tagged weird habits

i cant dance very well because i have two left hooves

but the babes dig me

mostly because oral sex was my idea

but they also know that i can party my evil ass off

you dont see jesus christ dancing in fact jesus christs people tried to keep ren maccormick from dancing when he moved to bomont

but i say lets dance

ok i have been tagged by the evil and sometimes naked erin obrien

here are my five weird habits

i collect hummel figurines those damn things are so fucking cute i cant control myself
i probably have three hundred of them and i get behind thee gets pissed everytime i buy another one
he hates dusting them

i frequently masturbate while looking at pictures or thinking about the virgin mary
jesus christ your mom is a total milf

i like to light my farts on fire

it is really easy to do in hell

you pretty much just fart and this giant flame shoots out of your ass

i love the movie alien and so sometimes when i am bored and lonely i will suddenly pop out of someones belly and scare the shit out of them just for fun

i like to hang out with the pope and try to make him eat gouda cheese

he is lactose intolerant

then later we light each others farts on fire

i love that fucking hat and he never lets me wear it

tagged by satan


jesus christ

bill the apostle



commanded by satan to complete the following task or suffer eternal damnation

"The first player of this game starts with the topic 'five weird habits' and people who get tagged need to write an entry about their five weird habits as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose the next five people to be tagged and link to their web journals. Don't forget to leave a comment in their blog or journal that says "You have been tagged" (assuming they take comments) and tell them to read yours."


At 8:04 PM, Blogger Eve said...

Mary... a MILF. I fucking LOVE you.

At 8:14 PM, Blogger J to the fucking C said...

Do you still have those figurines I gave you for my birthday?

My mom said you guys used to hang out in high school, she said you used to show off in your fiero and shit.

What's this I hear about Buddha kicking your ass in arm wrestling?
All that guy does is sit around and eat cape cod kettle chips... You must be a real pussy.

At 8:24 PM, Blogger Melanhead said...

Dude were you that Kuato character in Total Recall? That fucking mutant rocked my face off.

At 8:59 PM, Blogger Shannon said...

You're too funny..scary but funny!

At 9:31 PM, Blogger Satan said...

shannon do not be afraid

satan will be gentle

yo jesus christ that fiero was the shit

i had that cool mullet and that white wifebeater that i wore with a couple of gold chains

too bad i got drunk and put that bad ass ride into a tree while getting road head

nearly got lil satan bit off

melanhead that was not me

that was a movie

At 9:34 PM, Blogger J to the fucking C said...

Dude, I loved you in "the stand".
That Nadine Cross chic was hot.

At 10:00 PM, Blogger jungle jane said...

omg satan does the cha-cha...

At 10:04 PM, Blogger HighMaintenanceHussy said...

There's something innately hot about a woman who can conceive without doing the dirty.

Thanks for tagging me, Lucifer.

At 10:26 PM, Blogger ing said...


I loved you in E.T.: The Extraterrestrial. Remember how you kept wanting to "phone home?" Man, you were awesome!

At 10:42 PM, Blogger YellowSock said...

I'm a virgin...can I still get into Hell? Or do I have to give it up to some Jihadist?

At 11:14 PM, Blogger YellowSock said...

I don't want that to count as my question for the week though...I want to know who get's David Hasselhoff? That has always plagued me.

At 11:14 PM, Blogger Ms. Robyn said...

I like you.

At 12:49 AM, Blogger jungle jane said...

Oh thank allah - there's a virgin in the house.

Sausage please urgently head over to Captain Carl's blog - we require the services of a virgin.

do NOT - i repeat do NOT - pull a root on the way....

At 2:38 AM, Blogger Erin O'Brien said...

'Lo there Satan, O'Brien here.

Excellent work as usual. And thanks again for the oral sex thing.

Here are the meme rules as they were given to me:

"The first player of this game starts with the topic 'five weird habits' and people who get tagged need to write an entry about their five weird habits as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose the next five people to be tagged and link to their web journals. Don't forget to leave a comment in their blog or journal that says "You have been tagged" (assuming they take comments) and tell them to read yours."

At 3:15 AM, Blogger jungle jane said...

David Hasselhoff? Easy - he's right here singing the hooka chakka.

At 3:22 AM, Blogger Bill the Apostle said...

Is no one else going to say it?? Thats a fucking centaur, or at the most Pan. Dude are you such a lame fucking dancer that you try to pass off a centaur painted red as you?

Now that I think of it when we went to that rave you never really fucking danced. You kept blowing the whistle and waving your arms, but you never got out on the fucking floor.

At 3:29 AM, Blogger Virgin Mary said...

Hey there Stud, long time no see! I see you still have that picture I gave you...I've been thinking about a lot over the last couple thousand years. I miss you! Kisses~

At 6:05 AM, Blogger boo said...

liebe deutsch nur mögen macht jeden sonst und sie sind ein phantastischer tänzer spricht hochchinesisch wieder baby

At 6:39 AM, Blogger Erin O'Brien said...

Hey Boo, er, Thus Spake Zarathustra?

At 8:04 AM, Blogger garrett said...

Philosophers who think God is dead have no relevance to this battle royale between JC and his bitch (Apostle Bill) and Satan and his bitch (IGBT).

At 8:14 AM, Blogger I Get Behind Thee said...

Nobody asked, but one of my weird habits is clipping my fingernails, saving them in a ziplock and taking them with me to Yom Kippur services to throw at my friends. Satan has never been subjected to this b/c he never goes to services during the high holy days.

At 8:30 AM, Blogger HighMaintenanceHussy said...

I did your bidding, my evil Prince of Darkness. The tag is completed.

At 10:18 AM, Blogger Hale Bopp said...

dude satan, you better buy yourself a pair of white shoes and move down to florida, because i'm takin' over!!!!!


At 11:46 AM, Blogger I Get Behind Thee said...

Satan, if this chump's in, I tender my resignation. I'm not working for some uncouth pig-fucker. Hitler and Sirhan Sirhan said the same. If he's my new boss, I'm going to see if Jesus has an opening (the should be a slot given Bill's recent positive AIDS test).

At 12:27 PM, Blogger kellywalters said...

kinda hurts my feelings that I didnt get tagged by you..

but I already did this bitch.

and I already tagged crabcake fucker.

so. there..

fuck off

At 12:28 PM, Blogger Satan said...

fear not minions

hell will start having free elections the day that dubya finds out where we are and decides that a democratic hell would benefit him

besides we have no oil

so fear not for i shall retain power over this usurper and i shall blast cowbell gene to the fiery brimstone basement of hell for his insubordinant attempt to take over the throne of the kingdom of hell

please tell hitler and sirhan sirhan to settle their shit down

those guys are so excitable sometimes

At 1:50 PM, Blogger Bill the Apostle said...

Man that Cowboy Gene is so fucking hot right now.

I so totally dig him.

At 1:57 PM, Blogger Hale Bopp said...

hey satan, its real and all, i know how to chill those fuckers down!

wood-print wallpaper!

i'm gonna make this place look like a fuckin' ski lodge! complete with ho's and real blow!

dudes, i've spent time in that brimstone basement of hell. we need some fuckin air conditioning down there!

think about it, AC fucks up the ozone layer!

its all good for cowbell gene!

At 1:58 PM, Blogger Hale Bopp said...

it'll be a total fuckin' jacuzzi party down there too, even in the brimstone district.

we're gonna clean that place up..

complete with a titty bar and a motel with those vibrating beds and shit. for gene...

At 2:05 PM, Blogger I Get Behind Thee said...

Satan, we better clean Gene's Mom up, wipe the blow and squat sauce off her face get her out the back door before Gene shows up to check the place out. Can't imagine that would sit well with that hillbillie fucker!

At 2:16 PM, Blogger kellywalters said...

whats with all this voting shit..

I thought that the fucking dominate figures were fucking dictated by God.

did you know god is dog spelled backwards.. heeh..

I just thought I would remind you guys of that.

dog.. god.. dog.. god..

kinda interesting.

satan is pretty close to santa too.. I mean.. same letters and shit..

Satan.. call me babe..

At 2:36 PM, Blogger jamwall said...


i totally blacked out, don't know what the hell's going on.

evidently i'm running for satan or something. i don't know whats up with that shit..

why's my mom all covered in blow and squat sauce?

At 4:00 PM, Blogger Satan said...

cuz she has a fever and the only prescription is more cowbell

your mom is a skank cowbell gene

you might want to check her into rehab or something

this is not going to look good for your campaign

At 4:21 PM, Blogger Victor said...

Men with short dicks invented oral sex, Earning your redwings was invented by satan. (must drink human blood... lol)

At 4:24 PM, Blogger Wild*Hen said...


That was YOU!

I got a fever...and the only prescription for it is MORE COWBELL!

At 4:25 PM, Blogger Shannon said...

Such tension down here.. you all need sex or something.. challenge each other in arm wrestling if that doesn't work try some jello..

At 6:03 PM, Blogger Jasmine said...

Are you being bad? Want some company?

At 8:20 PM, Blogger Hale Bopp said...

on the contrary, that woman is an asset.

people totally pick up on her enthusiasm. she's confused, but loveable-confused at the same time..dude she's like the betty crocker of skankoriffic mom's of future satans.

At 8:31 PM, Blogger Satan said...

jasmine you are hot

but if i wanted company i would call shannon

i lust shannon

At 9:07 PM, Blogger Bill the Apostle said...

Dude...what is up with you and Shannon? Sure shes hot in a "I'm a bad girl at my sorority, don't touch my asshole" kind of way but what the fuck...I thought you were Satan dog.

I can tell you right now that Cowbell Gene will fuck anything, and I mean anything dilly, chicks, dudes, old ladies, old men, dogs. fuck, I saw him fuck a Christmas tree once.

So you keep on lusting after your girlfriend, meanwhile Cowbell Gene will keep cornholing everything that moves.

Fuck....Satan has a crush on Shannon...shit

At 9:33 PM, Blogger sugarpunk said...

LOL thanks .. fuckers..

yeah just for being funny.. and for havine ORAL SEX as your idea.. cant live without it ..

At 10:02 PM, Blogger Satan said...

bill you little bitch

someday you will find a dude

At 12:44 PM, Blogger Bill the Apostle said...

I'm just saying I can tell she doesn't like to have her asshole touched.

Shes gonna have you buying her drinks at TGI Fridays and, she'll get like the appetizer with the chicker fingers and mozzarella sticks and shit, and she'll be all "people don't understand me, they think I'm one way and I'm not" and you'll be all "mmm" and "I can tell you are different" then at the end of the night shes gonna leave you with your dick in your hand.


At 12:51 PM, Blogger Satan said...

so heres the deal bill the apostle

jesus christ can be a buzzkill

you gotta admit he always disappears and then suddenly will rise again and shit

my guess he is at his dads house taking out the trash or cleaning his room or some lame shit like that

you hang with i get behind thee and good ole satan here and we will rip it up every night with bitches and hos and blow and cocoa puffs and x and shit

it is like one giant seventies porno movie at my pad man

jesus christ is just a poser

he really has to follow all those commandments and shit

you want freedom come with me


At 1:31 PM, Blogger Shannon said...

Bill~ Not true.. not true at all...see you don't understand me LOL...Satan and I are friends... we just "Hang out" he only lusts me b/c he is Satan and he has to sin, but it's all for show.....he has lust for every woman sinner that is here...can't you see that??

Satan~ Carry on with all of your lusting of these women...keep doing your's working!

At 2:31 PM, Blogger Satan said...

it is true that i have lust for most women out there

however i lust shannon the most

bill the apostle believes shannon is pure and innocent

satan happens to know that shannon has secrets

dark secrets

only known by shannon and me


At 2:46 PM, Blogger Bill the Apostle said...

I didn't say she was innocent, I just said she didnt want you to touch her asshole.

I don't know dilly Me and Jesus are pretty tight and shit. Lets see how this all pans out dogpound.

At 2:59 PM, Blogger Hairy Prison Guard said...

I thought I would come over here to this website and see what all the commotion is about. I read on some internet websites people who were talking about "satan" was appearing as a blogger and saying all kinds of dirty things.

Well, I see at the end of this collection of comments there are some bits about having secrets and keeping secrets and telling secrets and so on and so forth.

Let me just tell you folks that this prison guard, the hairy one, has been told a lot of secrets down through the years. I bet if you, "satan" or you Shannon, were in the prison where I was working I could get you to tell me your secrets in just a couple of months.

At 3:19 PM, Blogger Bill the Apostle said...

Wow cool!! A Prison guard. wow..umm wait

Who gives a fuck.

At 4:22 PM, Blogger Hale Bopp said...

dudes, last time i had sex with satan he kept crying over and over again that i won't "go down on him" and shit.

but we all fucking know he doesn't douche!

dudes, i douche my rod every wednesday just to keep it sparkly for my fanbase.

when i was fucking the x-mas tree just recently, you never heard any complaints that i didn't fucking lick its stump!

At 4:22 PM, Blogger DEATH said...

Im tired of bring souls down here. Its fucking hot! Cant you jerks be good for a change!

Life is not easy as a Soul Collector.

At 4:44 PM, Blogger Bill the Apostle said...

Death is such a little bitch.

Gene aint shitting about his cock..that things sparkles, you can see yourself in it

At 7:12 PM, Blogger Gorgs said...

Satan is a total douche and shit. Cowbell Gene is the shiz, tho.

Word is bond, yo.

Jesus in the hizzy!

At 7:49 PM, Blogger Bloodgood said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

At 7:55 PM, Blogger DEATH said...

Bill you are such a wuss.
Ive seen snowflakes harder than you.

I dont see your ass out there collecting souls and draggin them down into the firey pits of hell.

I dont see your ass out there making people take there last breath and watching them beg to live.

Oh and another thing, its hard being creative all the time, this dude gets in a car accident, that lady slips on some ice etc. etc. etc.

It must be nice to walk around with J.C. eatin fruit from the garden and basking in the light.

At 7:56 PM, Blogger Polyman2 said...

Why can't we all just get along?
Satan rules, even if he does collect those faggot figurines.
Cowbell Gene is a satan wanna-be. I think that fucking cowbell has gone to his head. and Bill- your a homo.

Shannon- Don't let them frazzle you honey- it's your asshole, you do whatever the hell you want to with it!

There! now let's all make nice.

At 8:23 PM, Blogger Shannon said...

LOL Poly.. thanks dear!

At 9:08 PM, Blogger Satan said...

poly thanks for having a demons back

you are destined to go places in hell

death you know i love you

you do excellent work and i know how hard it is to be creative and do your job well

shannon dont pay any attention to bill the apostle he is sort of fixated on certain things if you know what i mean

while that makes him an excellent candidate for hell it does not make him good boyfriend material

especially if you are a female

At 6:21 AM, Blogger Bill the Apostle said...

I'll fuck anyone.

Is that clear?

At 7:00 PM, Blogger Polyman2 said...

Yo Satan,
You got style!

At 10:30 AM, Blogger PDD said...


At 10:31 AM, Blogger PDD said...



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