Thursday, January 19, 2006



this is what they always say about me

they say i hate you

i get nothing but bad press and negative stuff said about me

i am tired of that crap

look around you i clearly love you people

i made all the stuff you really want in life

money and greed lust and sex gluttony coveting your neighbors wife and ass and wifes ass

you all like it you all love it you all constantly use these gifts i gave to you yet all i ever get is satan is bad satan is evil

shannon doesnt want to be seen with me cuz you all talk shit about me all the time

meanwhile he gets this

























sometimes it makes me want to explode and release a pestilence upon the world

jesus loves me
jesus loves you
jesus loves us
jesus loves kittens

bullshit

youve met the guy

why does everyone think i am such a bad guy

i love you i want you to come spend eternity with me
i love kittens they taste almost as good as baby seal

all i want is a little lovin

can i have a hug

30 Comments:

At 8:05 PM, Blogger drunkbh said...

You created sex???? I definatly love you then.

 
At 8:20 PM, Blogger Calzone said...

look dude, maybe if you were more punctual..last night I killed a virgin, made a pentagram and kept calling your ass.

You never fucking show up, you were probably chilling with Bill at fucking Applebees or somethin.

 
At 8:33 PM, Blogger blank profile said...

That shit about the kittens is a total lie. Fuck kittens.

 
At 8:46 PM, Blogger jungle jane said...

Whoever said that has dyslexia. They really meant Santa hates you. it's just a spelling error gone wrong. it was probably started by Shannon...

 
At 9:16 PM, Blogger Satan said...

jungle jane dont be hatin on shannon

there is enough satan to go around baby

jesus christ you know i love kittens and baby seals and bearded clams

calzone i am so sorry i was out with bill at applebees
i was kind of hopin that shannon would show up

next time i am going to outback and wait for jungle jane

while shannon is obsessed with me she totally plays games i think she is afraid that her friends will think less of her if she starts dating satan

baby we were made for each other and your friends will just have to deal

and if they cant deal i will just start hanging with drunkbh and jane

they know how to treat a demon

im in for later bill but if jesus christ is going i might ditch out

he cops such a pussy attitude when i am around

hes all like why you movin in on all my ladies

and im like dude there are like 90 ladies here i think there are plenty to share

plus now that i am starting to see shannon more he is so jealous

im not sure if he wants to be with shannon or with me but he is kind of a spaz whenever im around her

remember how he used to act when you were tappin wallycrawler

psycho

 
At 9:32 PM, Blogger Satan said...

are you breaking up with me

what the hell

baby dont go we got something special

sure jane and me we like trading juices ever now and then but its just kicks it aint nothin

you and i are meant for each other

im not sure i can rule hell without you i cant think straight right now i gotta go

shit that hurts

 
At 12:38 AM, Blogger ing said...

Satan:

You might have more luck with the ladies if you get a chemical peel and some face cream. You've been neglecting the skin. Put your best face forward.

Best of luck,

 
At 1:44 AM, Blogger jungle jane said...

shannon i am soooo stepping out the way for you and satan to get it on. you two look so cute together. and he's got a hat just like yours too.

you're cool if i still suck his dick though? of course i won't swallow - he belongs to you...

 
At 3:48 AM, Blogger LBseahag said...

I wanna do more than hug you...


and i am jealous of that teddybear in bed with the hot chick. and the guy watching.

 
At 4:37 AM, Blogger Erin O'Brien said...

Dear Santa,

Please tell me why all men want to put their hot dog in the Hershey highway or between the milk duds when there is a perfectly suited bearded clam just for this purpose.

Love,

Erin

 
At 6:23 AM, Blogger HighMaintenanceHussy said...

i thought you just created sodomy. either way, kudos!

 
At 6:56 AM, Blogger Silver said...

Satan -
I'll give you a hug as you requested, just don't pull that sodomy thing again, I'm still having trouble at work explaining why I can't sit down while working on the computer.

 
At 7:39 AM, Blogger Nobody said...

hot sexy biatch!

 
At 8:03 AM, Blogger PDD said...

Erin's question is of most importance for our century so put down the crack pipe, Satan and answer her promptly.

As for a hug or giving up my eternal life to live with you, I will only do so if you provide the most expensive cabs, all the time. Oh, and of course, good sex and cigarettes. If you could promise me these three things, I'm all yours.

 
At 8:07 AM, Blogger Satan said...

i get behind thee

does it sound like shannon and i are back together

also just to clear this whole thing up

sex is not mine

hot steamy naughty sex is mine

if you want to lay there in the missionary position like a floormat then thank your good buddy jesus christ

but if you want to rock out to some nasty shit like a dirty sanchez or perhaps get a little brown buttered lovin

well then i am your demon of choice

i get thee behind actually came up with the hot carl and the chili dog all by himself

he never patented the move so he never gets credit but i was there when he said

hey satan watch this and then crapped on his ladies chest creating the hot carl

then he rubbed it between the fun bags with his little i get thee behind resulting in a chili dog

he is a sodomite genius that boy

 
At 8:27 AM, Blogger Satan said...

circus circus was a shit hole id rather be in hell then go back there again

i had to throw away my fur lined swing after that little episode

anyone seen jesus christ around lately

im concerned that he may have been crucified again

sometimes he is dead for like three days or so and then suddenly pops back up

 
At 8:28 AM, Blogger Satan said...

ever hump a dolphin capn carl

they are sort of the sheep of the sea

 
At 8:50 AM, Blogger Satan said...

um carl

dont you have a boat

quit being a pussy

if you want it to quit raining why not try praying

because it doesn't work

thats right which is why you came to me for advice

you have a boat

get in the boat

boat around in the flood waters and steal jewelry from the people that drown

find hot chicks that are stranded on their rooftops and pick up only the hot girls

you can really use this to your evil advantage if you just calm down and think about yourself for a few moments

perhaps satan needs to start up a little advice column

you pathetic humans can submit questions to me the lord of the underworld and i get thee behind and i can then provide sage advice on how to conduct your meaningless little lives

would you like that you pathetic piece of shit

 
At 9:27 AM, Blogger Satan said...

captain carl

that is why god invented the remote control

do like i do and turn the volume off

then you can watch brittany or jessica simpson strut their stuff without having to hear them sing

that seals it

you people need the advice of satan and i get thee behind me

it is a service we will begin to provide

 
At 10:05 AM, Blogger DorianGray1854 said...

Big S. don't be down.

Ladies sometimes us fellas just get curious and we need to express ourselves in as many orifices as possible, I say we should deserve brownie points for adding spark. The reason we need to keep going back is because we have problems sometimes remembering certain feelings and need to be constantly reminded. Love us and let us in!!

 
At 11:45 AM, Blogger jungle jane said...

Gee Dorian, and here was me thinking it was just because men were crap at following directions....

 
At 1:09 PM, Blogger DorianGray1854 said...

I'm a listener Baby, once I've learned something it sticks like a infant to a tit.

My soul is corrupt and my skills are perfected.

 
At 1:14 PM, Blogger jungle jane said...

I'm not sure if i'm corrupt or not. is using butt-plugs as stops on the Holy Communion wine bottle good or bad?

 
At 1:24 PM, Blogger DorianGray1854 said...

Does that mean you attend church or just steal the wine to get fucked up on like me.

 
At 7:35 PM, Blogger Lee Ann said...

Satan, now, I know you love me, you said so!
So sweet...uh, I won't tell anyone, I promise.

 
At 7:37 PM, Blogger Erin O'Brien said...

Jane,

I think finding new uses for any household item is pure genius.

Cock rings, for instance, do nicely in place of ponytail holders (when you're in a pinch).

 
At 9:04 PM, Blogger Satan said...

yeah captain carl shannon and i have just kissed

if by just kissed you mean made out for like 2 hours

 
At 9:05 PM, Blogger Satan said...

lee ann dont tell anyone especially shannon but i will swing by later for a litte booty call

 
At 10:46 AM, Blogger jamwall said...

dudes! i fucking missed a party!

 
At 10:48 AM, Blogger jamwall said...

sorry, i fucking woke up in pamplona, spain with a bull's horn up my ass and a pair of bullfighters undies shoved in my mouth.

it was hot!

 

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