this is what they always say about me
they say i hate you
i get nothing but bad press and negative stuff said about me
i am tired of that crap
look around you i clearly love you people
i made all the stuff you really want in life
money and greed lust and sex gluttony coveting your neighbors wife and ass and wifes ass
you all like it you all love it you all constantly use these gifts i gave to you yet all i ever get is satan is bad satan is evil
shannon doesnt want to be seen with me cuz you all talk shit about me all the time
meanwhile he gets this
sometimes it makes me want to explode and release a pestilence upon the world
jesus loves me
jesus loves you
jesus loves us
jesus loves kittens
bullshit
youve met the guy
why does everyone think i am such a bad guy
i love you i want you to come spend eternity with me
i love kittens they taste almost as good as baby seal
all i want is a little lovin
can i have a hug
posted by Satan @ 7:28 PM
30 comments
30 Comments:
You created sex???? I definatly love you then.
look dude, maybe if you were more punctual..last night I killed a virgin, made a pentagram and kept calling your ass.
You never fucking show up, you were probably chilling with Bill at fucking Applebees or somethin.
That shit about the kittens is a total lie. Fuck kittens.
Whoever said that has dyslexia. They really meant Santa hates you. it's just a spelling error gone wrong. it was probably started by Shannon...
jungle jane dont be hatin on shannon
there is enough satan to go around baby
jesus christ you know i love kittens and baby seals and bearded clams
calzone i am so sorry i was out with bill at applebees
i was kind of hopin that shannon would show up
next time i am going to outback and wait for jungle jane
while shannon is obsessed with me she totally plays games i think she is afraid that her friends will think less of her if she starts dating satan
baby we were made for each other and your friends will just have to deal
and if they cant deal i will just start hanging with drunkbh and jane
they know how to treat a demon
im in for later bill but if jesus christ is going i might ditch out
he cops such a pussy attitude when i am around
hes all like why you movin in on all my ladies
and im like dude there are like 90 ladies here i think there are plenty to share
plus now that i am starting to see shannon more he is so jealous
im not sure if he wants to be with shannon or with me but he is kind of a spaz whenever im around her
remember how he used to act when you were tappin wallycrawler
psycho
are you breaking up with me
what the hell
baby dont go we got something special
sure jane and me we like trading juices ever now and then but its just kicks it aint nothin
you and i are meant for each other
im not sure i can rule hell without you i cant think straight right now i gotta go
shit that hurts
Satan:
You might have more luck with the ladies if you get a chemical peel and some face cream. You've been neglecting the skin. Put your best face forward.
Best of luck,
shannon i am soooo stepping out the way for you and satan to get it on. you two look so cute together. and he's got a hat just like yours too.
you're cool if i still suck his dick though? of course i won't swallow - he belongs to you...
I wanna do more than hug you...
and i am jealous of that teddybear in bed with the hot chick. and the guy watching.
Dear Santa,
Please tell me why all men want to put their hot dog in the Hershey highway or between the milk duds when there is a perfectly suited bearded clam just for this purpose.
Love,
Erin
i thought you just created sodomy. either way, kudos!
Satan -
I'll give you a hug as you requested, just don't pull that sodomy thing again, I'm still having trouble at work explaining why I can't sit down while working on the computer.
hot sexy biatch!
Erin's question is of most importance for our century so put down the crack pipe, Satan and answer her promptly.
As for a hug or giving up my eternal life to live with you, I will only do so if you provide the most expensive cabs, all the time. Oh, and of course, good sex and cigarettes. If you could promise me these three things, I'm all yours.
i get behind thee
does it sound like shannon and i are back together
also just to clear this whole thing up
sex is not mine
hot steamy naughty sex is mine
if you want to lay there in the missionary position like a floormat then thank your good buddy jesus christ
but if you want to rock out to some nasty shit like a dirty sanchez or perhaps get a little brown buttered lovin
well then i am your demon of choice
i get thee behind actually came up with the hot carl and the chili dog all by himself
he never patented the move so he never gets credit but i was there when he said
hey satan watch this and then crapped on his ladies chest creating the hot carl
then he rubbed it between the fun bags with his little i get thee behind resulting in a chili dog
he is a sodomite genius that boy
circus circus was a shit hole id rather be in hell then go back there again
i had to throw away my fur lined swing after that little episode
anyone seen jesus christ around lately
im concerned that he may have been crucified again
sometimes he is dead for like three days or so and then suddenly pops back up
ever hump a dolphin capn carl
they are sort of the sheep of the sea
um carl
dont you have a boat
quit being a pussy
if you want it to quit raining why not try praying
because it doesn't work
thats right which is why you came to me for advice
you have a boat
get in the boat
boat around in the flood waters and steal jewelry from the people that drown
find hot chicks that are stranded on their rooftops and pick up only the hot girls
you can really use this to your evil advantage if you just calm down and think about yourself for a few moments
perhaps satan needs to start up a little advice column
you pathetic humans can submit questions to me the lord of the underworld and i get thee behind and i can then provide sage advice on how to conduct your meaningless little lives
would you like that you pathetic piece of shit
captain carl
that is why god invented the remote control
do like i do and turn the volume off
then you can watch brittany or jessica simpson strut their stuff without having to hear them sing
that seals it
you people need the advice of satan and i get thee behind me
it is a service we will begin to provide
Big S. don't be down.
Ladies sometimes us fellas just get curious and we need to express ourselves in as many orifices as possible, I say we should deserve brownie points for adding spark. The reason we need to keep going back is because we have problems sometimes remembering certain feelings and need to be constantly reminded. Love us and let us in!!
Gee Dorian, and here was me thinking it was just because men were crap at following directions....
I'm a listener Baby, once I've learned something it sticks like a infant to a tit.
My soul is corrupt and my skills are perfected.
I'm not sure if i'm corrupt or not. is using butt-plugs as stops on the Holy Communion wine bottle good or bad?
Does that mean you attend church or just steal the wine to get fucked up on like me.
Satan, now, I know you love me, you said so!
So sweet...uh, I won't tell anyone, I promise.
Jane,
I think finding new uses for any household item is pure genius.
Cock rings, for instance, do nicely in place of ponytail holders (when you're in a pinch).
yeah captain carl shannon and i have just kissed
if by just kissed you mean made out for like 2 hours
lee ann dont tell anyone especially shannon but i will swing by later for a litte booty call
dudes! i fucking missed a party!
sorry, i fucking woke up in pamplona, spain with a bull's horn up my ass and a pair of bullfighters undies shoved in my mouth.
it was hot!
Post a Comment
<< Home