Friday, February 02, 2007

originating obscenity since the dawn of time



the pitchfork is mine

as you know

sometimes when i didnt have a pitchfork handy and i was pissed at some fucker i would make a gesture with my hands putting my fingers in the shape of the tines of a pitchfork

we called this flipping the pitchfork

but flipping the pitchfork is complicated and was capable of ambiguous interpretation

one time i got three coney islands from some asshole that didnt ignored me when i said i didnt want any ice in my coke for example

why the fuck would i want ice in my coke

ice is my kryptonite for fucks sake

so i came up with something better



and now flipping the bird is mine

its easier

sloth rules

so more of you fuckers do it

and that means things are looking up for the job security of the greeters at the gates of hell

so do me a favor today

flip somebody the bird while your driving home

or if youre feeling ambitious flip somebody the pitchfork

either way

you are mine

32 Comments:

At 2:14 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

FIRST!

*flips everyone off*

 
At 2:14 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

mm sloth and grits....tasty.

 
At 2:39 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sloth rules! Unfortunately I literally can not flip people off anymore or even do the pitchfork. I try to use European gestures but most Americans don't get them. :-/

 
At 4:07 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

heh.. I gave my boss the finger today and it felt good..

 
At 4:44 PM, Blogger Satan said...

chalice

down here in hell giving someone the finger means something entirely different and its only considered obscene if you go led zeppelin aka raspberry beret with the maneuver


scottsdale girl

first only to get their clothes off wins and gets to eat the other ones grits

i win

bend over


whimsical

i know the sign for digital get fucked on eight continents

what i dont understand is what the fuck your prose is talking about

did you lose your hands in a circle jerk or what

 
At 10:04 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

sloth again?!?

didn't you just do
a post all about sloth?

satan, man, that's just plain lazy

/t.

 
At 11:28 AM, Blogger Satan said...

fucking blogger forced me to update

like im just some regular clusterfuck

new blogger is mine

but like new jack city i snort my own stash apparently


t

i changed the heading to improve your reading comprehension

this isnt the fucking sats

lets have a concrete poem about the crack of your ass to pass for a comment on the substance of this post

whattya say

 
At 1:28 PM, Blogger Enemy of the Republic said...

Dear Satan, I found someone to do your light work, very evil and fun, so if you need a break, I'll ask him to send you his resume.

 
At 5:25 PM, Blogger Toby said...

Who is "we"?

Second. Fuck off to gay anonymous guy who thinks he is cool for being here first.

3. The bird? Satan is getting tired. Road side bombs are/is where it's at.

 
At 6:12 PM, Blogger /t. said...

hey satan,

can you see
this hand gesture?

/t.

 
At 5:39 AM, Blogger Ted said...

haha you had to update.

what a powerful underlord you are.

 
At 1:30 PM, Blogger whimsicalnbrainpan said...

"did you lose your hands in a circle jerk or what"

Not quite but the were badly injured by fire. The person who set it should be heading your way in about five years thanks to the state.

 
At 4:24 PM, Blogger Toby said...

fuck off

 
At 4:24 PM, Blogger Toby said...

I cant quit typig f

 
At 7:45 AM, Blogger jali said...

I use the Monica and Ross Geller motion. It just feels right.

 
At 9:14 AM, Blogger Scottsdale Girl said...

Aw Toby, did you want to be the first and therefore coolest?

Jealousy...Satan will be very proud of you.

Gay guy indeed.

 
At 12:25 PM, Blogger Satan said...

fucking new blogger turned the comments into anonymice

scottsdale girl was first to come and she has the tastiest grits of all of you fuckers


i am so underappreciated

i hope you fuckers who are so stingy with the compliments at least enjoyed my led zeppelin aka raspberry beret quip

on second thought you are probably all too simpleminded to have understood it


by the way enema i already checked out your friend who you think has what it takes to keep the home fires lit down here in hell

underperformance at fellatio has disqualified the candidate

all my best

 
At 12:56 PM, Blogger blog Portland said...

I tried flipping the pitchfork, and my friends thought I was trying to do "West siiiide."

 
At 1:14 PM, Blogger Steve said...

Hi Satan. I love you.

 
At 3:35 PM, Blogger Toby said...

LOL, my jealousy will sometimes overwhelm my not so better judgement.

 
At 10:09 AM, Blogger Satan said...

steve

i will still respect you in the morning


toby

keep up the good work envious fellow

 
At 4:15 PM, Blogger Scottsdale Girl said...

Toby the good news is that your avatar freaks me the fuck OUT, unlike Satans...

 
At 6:49 PM, Blogger Toby said...

Old blinky eyes gets lots of attention. It's a pic from National Geographic that I made the eyes blink with Photoshop/Image Ready. Thanks for noticing.

It was xmas time when I made this for satan here. The demon hasn't been back since.

 
At 11:31 AM, Blogger Satan said...

glad to hear it gorgeous

i think we all know my avatar gets your freaky fuck on not freaks you the fuck out

your turn to eat my grits

 
At 4:51 PM, Blogger Crashtest Comic said...

Hail Satan!

 
At 8:48 PM, Blogger Toby said...

Im 38, how big aof a zep fan do you think I am? red beret? Satan is gay?

 
At 9:09 AM, Blogger Enemy of the Republic said...

No, Satan, you must have checked out the wrong guy. He is evil. And he does my bidding.

 
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