wwsd wednesday

sausage/ihatesausage/artistformerlyknownassausage asked

I started a cult and because it wasn't an "organized religion," the stupid followers thought they could make suggestions and shit. My question is, how do I get them to kill themselves without having to be all charming? Oh, and where do I find a 5 gallon bucket of poison?

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sausage i face this dilemma daily

i get behind thee can sometimes be a total pain in the ass with all of his stupid suggestions on how to run hell better

then i get screwballs that want to run against me in elections for satan

this is an unavoidable problem when you are the leader of any sort of religious antireligious or cult group

they think they are being helpful by offering up suggestions and just dont realize that we really dont give a fuck if things run better as long as they run our way

all you can do is keep your pimp hand strong

the second part of your question is much more difficutl

how do you get them to kill themselves without being charming

as you can see i am charming

while in the recruiting stage you have to be charming

there is no substitute

once you have them in your possession or under your control you can shut the charm off and use intimidation and humiliation as effective tools to accomplish your bidding

i suggest you apply the fake charm for a while and then test their dedication by asking your followers to do something horrible that they wouldnt otherwise do

if they do it then they are completely under your control and you can give up the charm charade

if they do not do it then you may need to continue the charade a little longer perhaps declare a couple of the more cooperative ones as your deputies so that the others think that there is upward mobility

once you have an organizational structure including your cooperative deputies in place convince the deputies to carry out your dirty work for a while


soon you will have your minions completely under your control and then you can do with them as you wish

but clearly charm and charisma are necessary evils to achieve your goals

once you get to this point you dont need to worry about how to get a five gallon bucket of poison

just tell one of your deputies to hook the hose up to the cultmobile and herd everyone into the garage

good luck with your cult and i suggest getting ordained on the internet so that you can take all of the income as a tax deduction