ask satan saturday

screw you

i know it is sunday already

i went on a bender and was pretty much passed out all day saturday so you get it today now shut the hell up and bow to the lord of the underworld




scottsdale girl

irritable bowel syndrom help me is not a question

the only question in your post was am i supposed to wait to post this

my advice is no

you should have posted your question yesterday and it should have been a question

you are now effed and will suffer with irritable bowel syndrom for the rest of your life

fortunately for you i happen to know that wont be much longer and then you will spend eternity with me and i have something much worse in store for you than irritable bowel syndrom

see you next week

now apologize cook me a nice meal and perform oral sex





tom bailey

you get one question and the first question you asked was are you having this questioning here on saturday because you know that was the original sabbath on purpose

my answer is no

i had it on saturday because it turns out that was convenient for the lord of the underworld

please stop trying to show everyone how brilliant you are and get with the program

you need to apologize to t for insulting his blog and then cook him a nice meal and perform oral sex on him






baron ectar

whenever i get my hands on a sick angel that will not follow directions i cut off its wings and drink its blood

now that technique doesnt work for everyone

you may want to tie the angel up and beat it until it is more submissive

ball gags are a good idea

then when you are finished torturing said angel apologize cook the angel a nice meal and perform oral sex on it






t your question was why do i collect souls is it a hobby thing

great question

some people collect stamps
some people collect coins
some people make pot holders

those people suck

i collect souls because collecting souls is a bloodsport

jesus and god are a tag team and they have been in a competition with me since the beginning of time

we have a one dollar bet on who can collect the most souls and i am going to beat those two pussies like a drum

i assure you that i am way ahead

now apologize to someone make them a nice meal and perform oral sex on them






enemy

not all cowboys are minions of mine although i am working on them

certainly the ones that compare women to steers are mine

especially the ones that use steers instead of women for certain activities

and i am not talking cheeseburgers

now you need to apologize to the cowboys cook them a nice meal and perform oral sex on them







whimsicalbedpan

holiday time is always stressful when it comes to spending time with family

dont be afraid to be selfish

my advice is to come home a day early apologize to your boyfriend cook him a nice meal and perform oral sex on him







chalice

you asked exactly what makes satan tick

that is a very difficult question and cannot be answered to the extent necessary in this post but suffice it to say that the primary thing that makes satan tick is a good apology a nice meal and oral sex

now make me tick baby






obrien

i do not paint my hooves

paint and nail polish are infammable or flammable

i can never get that straight

either way it means to burn although one looks like the negative of the other

the shit burns

so i dont use it

i have had a hoovicure once or twice when a big event was coming up and i can tell you that it looked positively stunning

when i used my hooves on myself it was almost like cheating on my own hooves

now obrien you need to apologize to satan cook him a nice meal and perform oral sex on him





crashtest dummy

you asked for advice for someone who fell into an artistic funk and is trying to mount a comedic comeback

there are two ways to go about this

first you can really dedicate yourself to the art and spend night and day day and night every waking moment working to improve yourself and your act

you can really hone you skills over the next several years with back breaking work unlimted effort

it will probably mean many sleepless nights riding in buses from town to town and eating cheap macaroni and cheese every night for dinner if you even can afford dinner

i mean it is going to take the ultimate amount of hard work and sacrifice

the second way is that you can sell me your soul and you will be a hit next week

its really up to you

now apologize to everyone who has ever been in your audience cook them a nice meal and perform oral sex on them