a once in an eternity event

i just pantsed god

i totally did

it was unfuckingbelievable

i have been trying to get that bastard almost literally forever

but you know how god and his boy jesus are always so casual running around naked or wearing nothing but baggy robes and fig leaves and shit

its hard to catch either one of them in anything else

well i got wind of this black tie party over at allah's place and i just had a hunch this might be my chance

so i got there early and hid out in the closet just down the hall from the bathroom

god showed up in a tux just as i had hoped and as usual he was hitting the wine and cheese pretty hard before the dinner even started

he is such a fucking lush

anyway there i am hiding out in the closet and sure enough about an hour into the party god comes down the hall goes into the bathroom and has this enormous piss and with all the farting he was doing from the cheese he pounded down it totally sounded like a thunderstorm in there

i almost got busted from laughing so hard at that old fuck farting and burping and pissing but i held it together just barely

so god comes out of the bathroom and walks past my closet

i materialize on the other side of the door and follow him down the hallway all quiet and shit

he gets to the ballroom and as i expected and as per usual he makes some giant pronouncement which nobody could understand because he was slurring so bad from all the vino

but everybody was watching him of course because fuck he is god after all

and then just as he got to the high point of his spiel i popped up off the floor and whipped up the tails on his tux and latched onto the waist of his pants and ripped those babies right down to his holier than thou ankles

he was wearing boxers with fucking cupids on them

fuck

so he spun around to smite me but quick as shit i materialized over by the front door to the party and flipped him the bird and skedaddled

oh man

i love it when dreams come true