Sunday, February 19, 2006

the one that got away

this is the story of the one that got away

fucking al green

during the 1970s i had him dead to rights

thanks to me he got more tang than the astronauts

thanks to me he got more fairy tail than grimm

thanks to me he got more pelt than kit carson

thanks to me he was laying more pipe than halliburton

and this is what that fucker looked like

he was rich and fucking a ton and successful as hell and loving it

and it was all because of me

i did that for him

but then i got marvin gaye shot to death by his own father

marvin had sort of stopped listening to me as much

and he was starting to get demanding and i was just sick of his shit

also it was supposed to help al green and his career

one less soul singer equals less competition was the thinking

that is why i did it

but did al see it that way

no fucking way

anyway so marvin gets killed and that pathetic bitch al green got scared

that chickenshit al green ran to jesus


and now he is always singing about jesus this and the lord that

i could just fucking puke

i gave that fucking al green the world and he handed me a shit sandwich

looks like i gave my orders to the wrong daddy

no way mg would have punked me


At 12:22 PM, Blogger Shannon said...

Didn't he sing sexual healing? Now that was a good song! (I could be wrong thou) =/

At 12:35 PM, Blogger Satan said...

i wrote sexual healing for mg

he scored a lot of poon with that ditty

he was extremely grateful

At 1:37 PM, Blogger DorianGray1854 said...

Was "lets Get it On" yours too? If so I would have kept ol' Marvin around for sure, his estate has gotta still be raking tons in over that shit.

At 2:07 PM, Blogger Satan said...

mg did lets get it on himself

he wrote it for me though

At 6:18 PM, Blogger sugarpunk said...

LMAO .. ok see .. even YOU cant predict the sinners ...

although i know im pretty transparent...

At 6:43 PM, Blogger PDD said...

Umm... excuse me Satan, but "Lets Get It On" was written by me for you. Let's try and keep up in the memory dept., shall we?

You are never grateful. What happens to those who are not grateful, Satan?

At 7:17 PM, Blogger The Rev. Willie Horton Heat said...


al muthafuckn green muthafizzle marvin muthafizzlizzles gots nothin on dis pimp yo!

At 7:49 AM, Blogger DEATH said...

What about RICK JAMES!!! BEEAAAATCHH!!!!!!!!!

At 8:08 AM, Blogger Satan said...

those who are not grateful like those who are all eventually belong to me

i lust you

rick james is mine

we made it a permanent thing a couple years ago

throw your panties on the stage

or was that luther vandross


At 9:44 AM, Blogger Dongley Shlongford said...

Ahh, Al Green.
He used to drop by my Luau's back in the day. That man was a world class taxidermist. Me and Al could really work a room.

Al liked to throw his maps all the way across the room to hit my ladies all stealth like and shit. He was always crazy like that. He usually ended up hitting me though.

At 12:27 PM, Blogger Erin O'Brien said...

I was wondering what happened to the shlong. And now here he is, ejaculating all over the place, even here in hell.

Welcome back, darling. However provacative this new look is, I will miss the plush.

At 2:02 PM, Blogger jungle jane said...

god. you went for al green when you could have had jim morrisson?

satan i do worry about you at times...

At 3:56 PM, Blogger Satan said...

you know they say about assumptions jane

everybody has one

or is that assholes


At 2:01 AM, Blogger jungle jane said...

Satan do you have an arsehole? frankly i am shocked at the mental image of the Lord of the Underworld having to take a dump like the rest of us....

somehow - call me crazy - i thought you were exempt?

At 8:45 AM, Blogger waygon112 said...

Satan, what about Bing Crosby? That was 1 trickey mofo. Acting all innocent in movies and songs, then kicking the shit out of his own family!!!! Must make you proud.

At 8:46 AM, Blogger Satan said...

jane you need to listen more closely when i whisper in your ear at night before you fall asleep

yes i have an asshole

but there are a lot of different things you can do with an asshole than defecate

come here and i'll show you

At 9:26 AM, Blogger PDD said...

oooooo me likey.

I want you to whisper in my ear Satan. What do you say????

At 9:36 AM, Blogger Satan said...

can you suck the head out of the crawfish

At 9:54 AM, Blogger Satan said...

this is a post about soul singers not old fat white guys

bing crosby was a special guy though

no doubt about that

At 7:54 PM, Blogger PDD said...

if the crawfish doesn't say those things...

How about something with soul??

At 7:55 PM, Blogger PDD said...

I am just waiting for Garrett to pop on by to say, "You know PDD, it would have been funnier if you spelled 'soul' 'sole'


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