my life as a cervid

i lust all of you fuckers but that doesnt seem to be enough to bring people in the door the past few weeks

i dont have a clue why but that is the facts

inventory is down

productivity is in the dumper

death isnt taking my calls anymore which is a real shame because for example look at this specimen pictured to the right

death cant come soon enough for this clown

first he is dressed in a red jacket

red is my color

he is mine

second he is clearly mocking me or if he is not aware that i am a cervid that is just his tough fucking luck

keep this in mind

i am a cervid

i am not a bovid

whenever death gets him i am going to pick his bones cleaner than clean

i will add them to my collection

i am up to warehouse 379 now

that picture above was taken a long long long long long time ago

and sorry i got carried away

i really meant to tell you about my life as a cervid

in the hopes that telling you fuckers a little bit more about me might help with recruitment

i cant believe my good looks and great sexual performance isnt enough

so i am a cervid

a lot of people get confused about this because dumb fuckers are always calling my antlers horns

well they are not horns

they are antlers

thats why you dont normally hear too much from me between valentines day and leprechaun day

my new antlers come in every year around then and i never have gotten over being embarrassed for the chicks to see me with that velvet crap still on them

so the thing to keep in mind here is sure i am a total badass and incredibly sexy and fantastic and cocksure of myself

but i have feelings too

and i have appearance anxieties too

just like you fuckers